“I think my child is addicted to technology.”
“Yesterday, I spent 15 hours on TikTok.”
“To me, friendship means my friends texting me all day and sending memes on Instagram.”
“My children immediately want something the moment they see it online.”
These are all comments I’ve heard within the past few months from parents and teens. Do any of them sound familiar? Research by Common Sense Media tells us that 43% of children ages 8-12 own a smartphone, and between 88-95% of teens ages 13-18 own a smartphone.
Statistically, about half of children in the United States own a smartphone by the time they are 11. These statistics suggest that it’s normal for middle schoolers to have a phone, social media, and constant internet access; however it’s also normal for children to have high levels of anxiety, depression, and feelings of isolation on a daily basis. See the following statistics:
• 50% of all lifetime mental illnesses begin at age 14 (National Alliance on Mental Illness)
• 42% of teens experience persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)
• 22% of teens have seriously considered attempting suicide (American Psychological Association)
• 1 in 7 teenagers will experience a mental disorder (World Health Organization)
• 3 in 5 teen girls reported feeling sadness every day for at least two weeks (The New York Times)
“But there’s no evidence to prove that screen time and social media are causing my child to have increased mental health issues...”
It’s difficult to take the time to dive into research, read a full book like “The Anxious
Generation,” or look into the studies that show a high correlation between increased screen time and mental illness, so I would highly encourage you to test this out on yourself. Try giving up social media for a week or two, or limit yourself to just 1 hour of screen time per day, and see how your mood changes and social interactions increase. If your mood improves as an adult who has a fully developed brain, who did not go through puberty with a smartphone/social media, and who can control their own daily habits, how much more will your child’s mood improve?
“Okay so I guess I’ll bite. What are the practical steps, tips and tricks, that can help me
minimize screentime for my family and increase their face-to-face interactions?”
According to the American Academy for Pediatrics, the recommended MAXIMUM
screen time for each age is as follows:
• Under 2 years old: No screen time, except for video chatting with family.
• Ages 2-5: Limit to one hour per day, with parent involvement.
• Ages 5 and older: Limit to around two hours per day.
The AAP continues, recommending that parents focus on quality over quantity: Choose
age-appropriate content and actively engage with your child during screen time. For example, an hour of Facetiming a grandparent, Marco Polo-ing your best friend, or playing an online game like Jack Box with close friends or family is much different than a child or teen spending an hour scrolling on Instagram or TikTok by themselves in their bedroom. Consider individual needs: Adapt screen time limits based on your child's development and lifestyle. Children are starting to experience much of their social life through online connections. Face-to-face interaction is still vital and necessary for healthy development, as well as for building resilience, emotional regulation, and social skills.
The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychology suggests further guidelines for screen-users of every age (yes that includes adults!):
• Turn off all screens during family meals and outings.
• Learn about and use parental controls (Adults, set time limits on your apps if necessary!
Sometimes we’ve got to parent ourselves too...).
• Avoid using screens as pacifiers, babysitters, or to stop tantrums.
• Turn off screens and remove them from bedrooms 30-60 minutes before bedtime.
While implementing boundaries and helping your child lower their dependance on
electronics, take inventory of the tech balance in your own life. “Are you sending mixed signals? Do you tell your kids to put down their phone as you are finishing texting? Are you watching TV when you tell your teenager to get off her computer? Don’t be a hypocrite. Kids and especially teenagers can smell a hypocrite a mile away. There is no faster way to lose your credibility” (Ciulla Lipkin, 2016).
Finally, I’d love to encourage everyone to read “The Anxious Generation” by Jonathan
Haidt. Haidt has phenomenal advice and insight for parents of teenagers who are navigating this phone-based world. If you want practical, proven recommendations that you can start implementing right now, here are 4:
1. No smartphones before high school
2. No social media before 16
3. Phone-free schools
4. More independence, play, and responsibility in the real world
As simple as these recommendations are, they may not be easy. Today’s children and
adolescents, ranging from 10 to 18 years old, primarily communicate with their friends through social media, texting, or phone calls. They are seeing each other less and less in person, and are therefore lacking the opportunities to grow in communication skills, eye contact, interpreting body language, and working through conflict/misunderstanding.
“I can’t take away my child’s devices, they’ll get so angry and might lash out at me/their siblings/their friends...”
Many parents are fearful that if they take their child’s phone/tablet/social media access away, that the child will become angry, violent, depressed, or isolated. Yet isn’t that an even BIGGER reason to take these things away, at least for short periods at a time? These moods tell us that our children and teens are becoming dependent on their phones, tablets, and devices for regulating their mood and determining how positive their day is. Your child’s mood will improve with each day they are given more face-to-face time with other humans, nature, and the “real world;” eventually their anger at you will subside and their resilience will increase.
Graph from by Dr. Jean Twenge (2020) from her article: “Six facts about screens and teen mental health that a recent New York Times’ article ignores” (Institute for Family Studies).
“Good Inside” says it like this: “Here’s the key idea: You’re allowed to set boundaries
and your kid is allowed to have feelings about these boundaries. You can then validate their feelings, while holding your boundaries. Your boundaries don’t dictate your kid’s feelings and your kid’s feelings don’t dictate your boundaries. BOOM.”
As parents, educators, and caring adults, it’s our responsibility to guide children toward
healthier habits and more meaningful connections. Implementing boundaries on screen time may not be easy, but the long-term benefits for your child’s mental health and resilience are worth the effort. Start small, stay consistent, and model the behaviors you want to see. Together, we can help this generation rediscover the joy of face-to-face relationships, the beauty of the real world, and the confidence to navigate life without relying on a screen.
Go to goodinside.com or https://www.anxiousgeneration.com/resources to get FREE resources and handouts for parents, educators, and anyone else willing to join the fight for our children’s mental health, freedom, and resilience. You can also download this FREE guide with practical, realistic, relevant tips on the 5 Strategies for Parents to Free the Anxious Generation: https://media.goodinside.com/wp-
Hannah Klaassen is a Licensed Professional Counselor Candidate with a
Master’s Degree from Colorado Christian University, and has spent the majority
of her counseling career working with children, teens, and families. Hannah loves
using expressive therapies (such as art, play, and dance/movement therapy) with
clients of all ages, and particularly enjoys working with teen girls and adult women. Call Hannah at 720-460-0435 or email hannah@canyonpinescounseling.com to schedule an
appointment today!
Citations
AACAP. (2024, May). Screen Time and Children. American Academy of Child and Adolescent
Haidt, J., & Kennedy, B. (2024, September 12). Access the anxious generation guide for free. Good Inside. https://www.goodinside.com/access-anxiousgenerationguide-lp/
Haidt, J., & Pratt, S. (2024). The Anxious Generation: How the great rewiring of childhood is
causing an epidemic of mental illness. Penguin Random House.
Hayes, I., & Prothero, A. (2024, July 12). To ban or not to ban? educators, parents, and students weigh in on cellphones. Education Week. https://www.edweek.org/leadership/to-ban-or-not-to-ban-educators-parents-and-students-weigh-in-on-cellphones/2024/06#:~:text=According%20to%20research%20by%20Common%20Sense
Michelle Ciulla Lipkin, E. D. (2016, February 21). Tech addiction: A parent’s biggest fear.
Radesky, J., Weeks, H.M., Schaller, A., Robb, M., Mann, S., and Lenhart, A. (2023). Constant
Companion: A Week in the Life of a Young Person's Smartphone Use. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense.
Twenge, J. (2020, January). Six facts about screens and teen mental health that a recent New York Times’ article ignores . Institute for Family Studies. https://ifstudies.org/blog/six-facts-about-screens-and-teen-mental-health-that%20a-recent-new-york-times-article-ignores
留言